Good Clean Fun is simply an amazing time and space to express the body and soul, to meet lovely people and enjoy great tunes! I’ve been coming for well over a year and I really look forward to it every month, but it’s still somewhat strange to me that I’ve found myself in my fifties in a community dance environment that has a real spiritual and creative energy to it…and there’s no drink or drugs. I didn’t see that coming, but I really embrace it!
I grew up in a housing scheme in Glasgow, surrounded by the addictions of family and others in the community. In my own family alcoholism was rife. This affected me deeply in many ways, but especially in terms of my sense of self. In the psychological climate created by alcoholism I developed a deep un-ease inside, but I learned many strategies to hide it skilfully, even from myself. I’ve learned over the years that there are loads of socially sanctioned ways to hide the pain of your life, mind and emotions in addition to the ‘normal’ escapes like drink and drugs. To name but a few I had a devoted attempt at obsessive thinking patterns, compulsive people pleasing, a positivity that’s verging on denial and unhealthy dependencies on other people. I also attempted ‘respectable’ avoidance strategies like perfectionistic academic and professional achievements, trying relentlessly to manage the emotions of other people and unconsciously performing for approval and affection to a largely unsuspecting audience in various social settings. I’ve often tried to sort the inside of my life by focussing exclusively on the outside. Happiness was elusive. Some of these things can obviously be healthy and good in themselves, but I couldn’t see that they were imbalanced and motivated by a kind of emotional avoidance or escapism. My motivations were usually mixed(and largely hidden from me) but I became tired of the psychological and social hangover caused by denial and avoiding my emotions, eventually.
I had a go at all these clever tricks of the mind and can still slip into them if I forget what I’ve discovered! It took me a while to turn, face and accept the fact that some part of my deepest self felt dis-eased. It also took me a while to stop hiding and to discover that despite all this dis-ease there was a deeper Self within that has independent intrinsic value, a great capacity to give and receive genuine love and a consistently available peace. But this took time…and change.
I was about thirty when I started to see why I felt this unease with myself as it began to manifest, quite painfully, in my relationships and my mental/emotional health. Around that time I found out that there are recovery groups for those affected by someone else’s addiction and now I’ve been in recovery from the effects of another’s alcoholism for about twenty-five years. I’ve come to understand how addiction isn’t just about the addict, but it also creates a psycho-spiritual-physical climate that permeates any healthy family feeling, communication and relationships. I’ve also come to understand a lot about myself, both authentic and inauthentic, and how to address the unease and really take care of myself.
I did this by learning how to develop a truthful, healing connection to myself- emotions and thoughts, body and soul, as the starting point for healthy interactions with others. This holistic approach to self-care started as a habit but became a way of life. At first it was a kind of discipline I had to commit myself to, consistently following a recovery program to work through thoughts, feelings and every area of life that needed managed, as well as exploring spiritual practices to heal and enrich my inner-life. It’s almost cliched in the ‘self-help’ culture, but learning how to maintain a relationship of self-love, self-worth, balanced independence, and loving connections with others seems essential to any notion of ‘happiness’. Well, to me it did. For me, becoming mentally and spiritually well (or recovery) isn’t all ‘follow your bliss’, it’s about consistently having a right good look at every area of your life, including your self-care, boundaries with others, deepest thoughts and feelings, relationships and lifestyle. It’s also importantly about finding and laying hold of a healthy Self: the beauty and goodness that’s inside of us and nurturing it, so we can encourage, nurture and appreciate it in others as well.
A big part of nurturing my well-being is engaging with embodied things that develop creativity, connection and community. GCF does all of this as it’s a beautiful creative space lovingly developed by those who organise it and enriched by those who come along. The tunes are powerful and inspirational, reviving the soul; the meditations at the start of the party each month really help me to connect to myself, others and the best parts of Life in all of us. I’ll keep coming to GCF to dance, express, connect, open up, receive and immerse myself as much as I can in what I believe is a beautiful community of diverse people, down to earth but with great vision and devoted hearts. It’s a much needed space for loads of people who want community, connection and creative music and meditation. I love it!
