Hey! I’m Collette. I’m an artist and learning disability support worker with Enable Scotland. I’ve been to GCF around six times now and wanted to share a little about what this means to me.
I’m old enough to remember the rave scene and clubbing culture from the first time around (I am 50 years young!). Those times, for me, revolved around alcohol and minimal substance use. Yet, even as a teenager, in the late 1980s and 1990s, I vividly remember my passionate love purely for the music. Specifically, dance music at the time. I was an avid Mixmag reader and had a pen pal (this was before the internet arrived) in Hull, back when they had a pen pal section in the magazine. We wrote to each other and sent mix tapes of the latest sounds we were listening to. He introduced me to break beat and jungle when it was a burgeoning scene in England and this blew me away.
My late teens and twenties revolved around my social use of alcohol when I reflect upon those days. Marriage and children in my mid-twenties changed the context of my alcohol use. It became an increasingly solitary activity and a coping mechanism for the loss of my mum and then my best friend a few years later. I still functioned as a ‘normal’ member of society, but I had a problem. One drink was never enough. Cutting down never worked. The path always lead to the same destination. So I made myself attend some AA meetings. They helped a little but ultimately weren’t for me. I ultimately stopped drinking for my (then) teenagers. They were increasingly aware of my ‘habit’, and I felt such shame and guilt that they would witness the negative change to my personality that alcohol almost always brought about in me. The cravings didn’t stop straight away, so I threw myself into creating art. Now, almost a decade later I no longer crave the crutch I once had. I’ve had set backs, but I can say with my hand on my heart that I don’t drink now, I don’t want to and choose not to.
When I first attended GCF my life had changed drastically. My 20-year marriage had ended amicably, but I felt like that teenager again, wanting to immerse myself in good music and dance. As I reflected more on the loss of my closest loved ones and the loss of a long marriage, I had become painfully aware of just how short and fragile life really is. I discovered GCF on Instagram and I’ve been to around 6 GCF nights now. My nerves got the better of me a few times before going to my first one. I remember being filled with self-doubt and fear of the unknown. The biggest fear being ‘Am I too old for this?’. Thankfully I was able to feel the fear and do it anyway with the help of a friend coming with me.
I can honestly say, with conviction, that I am so very glad I took that first step. Each time I attend, I learn something new about myself and humanity. Our world is full of suffering and destruction, and it seems relentless at times, especially currently. For me, GCF is a safe, sanctuary filled with reminders that the world actually isn’t always such a dark place and that love is always the answer. There is undoubtedly the shared love of music and dancing. Yet there is more. I feel a great power in the room. The mediation hour is perfect for loosening up those inhibitions and quieting that negative inner voice we all have. I feel the power of united humans during a Tai Chi session, listening to the communal breathing and gentle swooshing of arms moving through the air. When I’m resting my weary legs between dancing sessions, I look around me and see all kinds of people expressing themselves with their bodies and souls in dance, free of inhibitions, and free of the need to rely on substances or alcohol to ‘loosen them up’. Fuelled by a fierce love of dance and music. I find this incredibly powerful to watch. Every person is unique, beautiful, and of course, a spectacular dancer! Differences are embraced and joyfully accepted at GCF. I realised that age and appearance don’t matter at all. It really is what is inside that counts. I’m very introverted, so love to dance alone and go inward, losing myself in the music. Initially, I was very nervous to dance at all, but the excellent DJs and music soon draw you onto the floor, and you can’t help but move your body. Personally, this is a time of healing for me. Other folks love to dance with each other. Their joy in this is contagious. It’s an honour to witness.
The amount of effort and careful consideration put into these nights is clear for all to see. The organisers put their all into this, and it’s a real privilege to be able to joyfully participate in their version of a better world for all. GCF reminds me that there is still good in this world.