Robbie Houston: Learning to Dance Sober 

Musician, writer and artist Robbie Houston discusses his experience of Good Clean Fun and his journey in learning to dance sober.

Unless I was heavily intoxicated, I’d never have dreamt of dancing in public once upon a time. Truth be told, I always felt out of place clubbing – I felt stiff, self conscious and uncoordinated. That was until I got past those barriers with the aid of ecstacy or the like. I had pockets of really feeling that connection, of letting go and liberation that can come from collective dance and music. When I felt I could really let go and surrender to the experience, few things come close to that feeling.

Sadly for me, the aids I used to get to those states became more of a hindrance than a help. They became an unhealthy crutch that I depended on in order to feel safe in my own skin. They wound up having the opposite effect in the end. I realize now that much of those prior anxieties were self imposed negative beliefs I held about myself and the world – I was not enough and the world was unsafe.

I am grateful that I got help for my substance abuse and am still clean and sober three years on. When I decided to put drugs behind me, I sort of resigned to the fact that I’d never be into clubbing or the like again. I made peace with it really, ‘it’s not for me anymore’, ‘it would be forced doing it sober’, again my negative beliefs talking. I heard about these sober raves and thought Jesus these people are really desperate to hang on to that old life. I judged them, I thought it was like having a diet coke. I’m an all or nothing character.

I met Amy Rodgers – the resident DJ at Good Clean Fun – not long into my recovery and we gradually built a beautiful friendship based around honesty, music and creativity. Amy invited me out to a few club nights which I hesitated over and possibly made my excuses for not going to. Eventually I made it to one, which to my delight was fairly quiet, I think Amy knew what they were up to. I felt pretty robotic dancing when it started. I didn’t know where to look and so I closed my eyes because it felt easier. After a good twenty minutes, I realised I was totally lost in it – loosened up and connected to something. I felt easy opening my eyes, something had shifted. Before I knew it, the night was over. The next morning I felt a lightness that I had not felt for some time.

This experience shifted my thinking and it began a new found love for dance, sober. I started going to a few nights and built my confidence each time I did. I could really feel the positive effects the mornings after – waking up totally light in my body, free of some sort of stagnant energy I’d been holding onto. It felt like a purge.

These nights were eye opening to me, but I must admit, I still felt somewhat of a disconnect after a certain hour. I felt a bit out of place as people ascended on to different wavelengths from me, which I say without judgment. I just struggled to connect and felt a bit lost without other sober folk around.

I went to my first Good Clean Fun not long after this period and I was utterly blown away by the experience. It was on a rooftop at a place called ‘Refuwegee’ – a charity that offers support to refugees arriving in Glasgow. I didn’t feel immediate comfort, what with it being daylight and outdoors. But with my past experiences I knew I had to just start dancing and would eventually loosen up. The connection and buzz I felt became more heightened as the night progressed, unlike some of the other nights I’d had that started off well and kind of petered out. I didn’t feel that unpredictable unease that Glasgow club nights on a weekend can bring upon me.

I think what’s been created by Good Clean Fun is something really special and to be cherished. The night has helped me greatly in my recovery, widening my social circle and giving me a place to release, a safe place where the community spirit is really felt. I’ve taken a variety of different friends to the night, who all comment on one thing, which is the feeling in the room – a feeling which I sense keeps on growing with each event, as the circle expands and the night keeps on blooming. I think that feeling is something between authenticity and vulnerability.

I really love the eclectic mix of people at these nights; it’s a diverse crowd, with individuals from all walks of life coming together for the same common purpose—to unwind, enjoy themselves and connect. What really sets the night apart is the variety of meditation and bodywork exercises offered before the club begins. These sessions add a distinctive and refreshing touch, creating a sense of balance and grounding before the night kicks off. It’s introduced me to a wealth of new experiences that have pushed me out of my comfort zone and thus helped me to grow as a person. And let’s not forget the vegan food—they consistently nail it, offering dishes that are as satisfying as they are nourishing. Viva la GCF!

To find out more about Robbie’s work, you can listen to his debut solo record Open Wider the Door, recently released under his solo alias Boab. He is also the frontman of Sweaty Palms.

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